India is one of the few countries that offers 6 months of paid maternity leave and we are also contemplating on mandating menstrual leave. Wow! We are such a progressive nation. But wait, what’s the percentage of women participating in labor force in the country? A dismal 23%! What are we doing so wrong?

I know the title would irk both the sides but before making any judgement, hear me out. Following are three incidents that made me rethink about my stand on women-friendly legislation in India:

Incident 1: A friend of mine who is just married is facing a hard time getting a job. She has a strong resume and good work experience. This has never happened to her before. When she tried to get an honest feedback from an employer through a friend, she got to know that even though she passed all the criteria for the position, her status of being married with no kids was a red flag. Management believed that since she was married, she might plan a kid soon and would take a fully paid maternity leave hanging the project in between. This assumption on the part of the future employer was not only wrong but also points to the corporate apathy towards women empowerment in the country. Add menstrual leave to it and a larger section of women would be subjected to this bias.

Incident 2: It was my first job after MBA as a manager in a big corporate office. I was given a large team with 50% female employees. The first advice I received from the previous manager during knowledge transfer was, “It is difficult to manage a team with so many women. Being a woman yourself, you would get a lot of leave requests for monthly problems. You have to be strict with them else you would be deemed as partial and everyone would ask for paid holidays.” This was the moment I realized how masculinized our workplaces are.

Incident 3: My personal story was not very different. Few years back, I had a brush with my own demon- Endometriosis. The happy periods turned into ugly episodes of pain. Every month, I could experience my uterus exploding and all I wished for was 2-3 days off. For next few months, I faked fever, stomachache, even food poisoning. When I could not take it any longer, I decided to speak to my manager. My manager was so uncomfortable discussing the issues that he just gave a blanket approval on my leaves for upcoming months. At the end of the year, the entire credit of running my team successfully was given to my assistant. Not only was my contribution totally ignored, I was even asked to acknowledge my falling performance. Was I really thankful to my assistant for stepping up in my absence? I was. Did it mean I was ready to give away my years of hard work? Absolutely not!

Another point that comes across my mind is that menstrual leave may take care of the needs of women having jobs in regulated sectors (only 23% to be precise) but what about the women who are in non-regulated sectors like domestic workers, care takers etc and women who do unpaid care giving work? Their work involves a lot of physical strain and demands for some time off during periods. But in a society which doesn’t even talk about menstruation, it is a far-fetched dream.

Long story cut short, unless the society sees the bigger picture and not limit a woman’s worth to being attached to a certain role, none of these laws would be effective.

The corporate culture sees value in attendance, undivided attention and working round the clock. What they ignore is the well being of the employees and their families, leaving this work to be taken care of by others, mostly women- wife, mother, maid, nanny etc.

The society sees value in how effectively a woman can manage her family, how clean is her house, how many sacrifices she makes, how pious is her image, etc. Any discussion that makes her appear a normal human being or tarnishes the idea of perfect beauty like body image, menstruation, sex, body odour, body hair, anything related to the female body is termed an attack to the Indian culture and tradition.

We talk of one glass ceiling but to reach that ceiling, women need to swim across these two channels. And the advice we give them- man up! On one side, we are waiting for the men to understand issues women face and on the other hand, we reward women to act like men (actually the stereotypical definition of men) without giving up their own responsibilities. The questions we need to ask here are

• How are men being sensitized about issues like menstrual hygiene and mental health of women?
• Where is the room for women to take a break?

We know the water cycle, the thermodynamics and what not. Still, as a society we have failed to establish the fact that the balance between work and family is being maintained by both men and women and it is unfair to credit one for everything and undermine the other for not doing enough. It is a system failure which makes all the genders suffer from inequality, insensitivity, ignorance, and indifference. Unless we break these silos and consider the entire ecosystem, giving women maternity and menstrual breaks is like giving someone a spoon without giving them food.

The article was originally published here.